Building a Resilient Life by Rebekah Lyons is a fantastic book on resilience that weaves together psychological research, Christian Scripture, and the author’s personal stories to teach readers how to live resiliently.
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After reading numerous books and articles about resilience, it was refreshing to find one written from a Christian perspective. This article will highlight a few lessons I learned from this book. I recommend picking up a copy if you are interested in learning more.
What is Resilience?
The author, Rebekah Lyons, begins her definition of resilience by critiquing the idea of resilience as bouncing back after suffering. While this can be part of living resiliently, solely focusing on the idea of bouncing back makes resilience seem like a quick process, when in reality it is a skill we need to call on daily.
Lyons sees resilience as encompassing a few ideas:
- Embracing the pains of life, whether they be short or long-lasting, with honesty and bravery, and allowing them to make us stronger
- Enduring the pains of life with hope because Jesus has already conquered the world and gave us the power to endure
- Surrendering the pains of life to Jesus so He can transform them
- Living with contentment and even joy in the face of struggles, because Jesus is with us in them.
Lyons sees St. Paul as a great example of resilience. St. Paul endured many sufferings throughout his life, including beatings, whippings, imprisonments, stonings, shipwrecks, and political struggles within the Church.
Despite all of this, Paul’s letters radiate joy and contentment because he knows that he is doing God’s will. He knows that by enduring these sufferings and surrendering them to the Lord, God is bringing about good fruit for the Church and the world. He knows that by enduring these sufferings as Jesus embraced His cross, he will share in Jesus’ resurrection.
Lyons sees resilience as so crucial to Christian life that she says it is “indicative of the Christian life”. When we endure and persevere through pain, continuing to have hope in Christ’s love, mercy, and salvation, we allow God to reveal the mystery of the cross through us. We bear witness to the fact that out of something horrible, He brought about something good.
With her definition of resilience established, Lyons then provides five rules for cultivating and living out resilience.
Rule 1: Name the Pain, Be Honest
Because resilience involves facing suffering head-on with honesty and bravery, we must first acknowledge our pain and brokenness to cultivate resilience.
There are two ways to name the pain: To be vulnerable with another person and to be vulnerable with God.
Lyons suggests taking the time to share our brokenness with someone we can trust who will show empathy, whether that be a therapist, a spiritual friend, or a family member. If you would like to find a Catholic therapist or mentor to practice this vulnerability with, check out this page.
Lyons also suggests confessing our brokenness to God. She recommends doing this in prayer, but confessing our brokenness and struggles in the sacrament of Confession is also beneficial.
This vulnerability, in relation to God and others, aligns with the physical and spiritual health aspects of Tria Corda Ministry’s resilience model. Prayer and the reception of the sacraments, such as Confession, and good relationships with others help build our resilience. Vulnerability is an essential part of both of these types of resilience-building habits.
Rule 2: Shift the Narrative, Renew Your Mind
What we believe, how we describe events, and how we talk to ourselves all have a significant impact on our actions and emotions. When we don’t operate from the truth, coping with suffering is difficult, if not impossible.
Lyons suggests three things to help renew your mind.
First, we need to take the time to consider what we are taking in from the media and others, and get rid of anything that does not help form our minds with the truth.
Second, we need to observe our thoughts and see how they might not align with the truth.
Third, we need to train our minds to think in accordance with the truth. Intentional, daily time with Scripture will help to train our brains in this way.
This idea of renewing our minds aligns well with the mental health aspect of Tria Corda Ministry’s model of resilience, which also emphasizes learning the truth and countering any lies in our minds to grow in resilience.
Rule 3: Embrace Adversity, Train with Resistance
We all have moments throughout the day that cause stress. These moments are opportunities to build resilience, so that in times of great stress, we can cope effectively.
Often, though, in moments of stress, we don’t face it head-on, but instead, turn to coping mechanisms to medicate our pain, such as scrolling social media, eating, or a particular vice.
Lyons suggests identifying our mechanisms of self-medication and taking steps to avoid self-medication in small moments of stress.
This idea coincides nicely with the virtue aspect of Tria Corda Ministry’s model of resilience. Intentionally striving to grow in virtue and deliberately engaging in small moments of discomfort through fasting helps to boost our resilience.
Rule 4: Make Meaning, Cultivate Beauty
This rule is all about partnering with God to create things to bless others. This partnering with God can involve volunteering, hobbies, our careers, working in our homes, and more. Engaging in the things God calls us to do to make the world a better place helps us find meaning and purpose.
This rule aligns well with the vocation aspect of Tria Corda Ministry’s model of resilience, which suggests that intentionally diving into the calling(s) God has placed on your heart can help you grow in resilience.
Rule 5: Endure Together, Invite Others In
The final rule Lyons provided is to build a community around you. Seeking to build a community where you feel like you belong, matter, and have others to rely on in times of suffering is crucial to a good, resilient life.
This rule aligns well with the physical health aspect of Tria Corda Ministry’s model of resilience, which suggests that building a strong community around you enhances your resilience.
Conclusion: Takeaways From Building a Resilient Life by Rebekah Lyons
Building a Resilient Life by Rebekah Lyons is a valuable book that ties together Scripture, personal stories, and research to provide a definition of resilience and practical tools for growth. It also reminds us of the vital importance of resilience in the Christian life and provides support for Tria Corda Ministry’s resilience model. I highly recommend picking up a copy to learn more about resilience from Rebekah Lyons.