When we create trauma-informed ministries, we create safe environments where people may be comfortable disclosing their stories of trauma to you.
This article will provide you with four tips on what to do when someone discloses trauma to you in the course of your ministry, and some biblical examples of what to do and what not to do in this situation.
Important Note: This article will not cover mandatory reporting rules. Please first follow the policies and laws of your organization, diocese, and state. These tips can be used alongside these reporting rules and laws.
Tip #1: Give the Gift of Presence
The most important thing is to be fully present and truly listen to people as they share their stories. This gift of presence can be a source of great comfort, validation, and healing.
A great biblical example of this gift of presence is Mary, John, and the female disciples of Jesus at the foot of the cross. They gave Jesus the gift of presence while He suffered. While it caused them much suffering, they focused above all on being there for their loved one and gave Him great comfort.
So, how do we practice this gift of presence?
First, we need to balance remaining calm while also expressing genuine emotion. It is okay to express anger or sadness over what a person has gone through, but you must also avoid letting your emotions overwhelm you and making the situation about your feelings.
Second, we need to validate a person’s feelings, say we believe them and are there for them, and remind them that what they went through is not okay. We must also affirm their courage in telling you their story.
Finally, we need to explain that what we have heard does not make us see them any differently.
When we do these three things, we can help a person feel believed, validated, and supported.
Tip #2: Don’t Give Unsolicited Advice, but Offer Resources
It can be tempting in these moments to offer advice to a person, especially if you or someone close to you has worked through something similar. But this moment of disclosure is about the person in front of you and hearing their story, not about giving advice, regardless of how good our intentions are.
We must especially avoid statements such as “you’ll get over it”, “it wasn’t that bad,” or “what’s wrong with you?” because these can be particularly damaging to a person as they work through their trauma.
Another thing we need to avoid in disclosure situations as Catholics is throwing out advice like “offer it up”. If we offer this advice too early, we can invalidate their feelings and stories (See this article for more information on balancing our theology of the cross with the needs of trauma survivors).
A good thing to keep in mind when thinking of what not to do when someone is disclosing trauma to you is to avoid being like the friends of Job. The book of Job consists of multiple speeches by Job’s friends who try to offer him advice and explain his suffering, only to upset him further and worsen it. We should seek to avoid being like Job’s friends in these moments of disclosure.
One thing you can do in this moment of disclosure is to say that you are there for the person and that if they ever want resources, you can provide them. Here is a list of Catholic healing resources that you can provide if the person decides they want them.
Tip #3: Give Them Control
An overall part of being trauma-informed is giving people control, and that is very important in a moment of disclosure.
We can give a person control over their disclosure by avoiding asking for more details, so they can tell what they feel comfortable sharing.
Tip #4: If Feelings Come Up, Seek Resources
Finally, listening to a trauma disclosure can bring up difficult feelings and memories for you. If that happens, make sure to look into healing resources for yourself. This will not only help your healing journey but will also help you to better give the gift of presence, as you will not be overwhelmed by your own difficult emotions and memories.
Conclusion
Trauma disclosures can be scary, but when you handle them in these ways, you can give someone the gift of presence, validation, and resources, helping them move further along the healing journey.