Marriage is a beautiful vocation that helps people reflect the image of God’s love for the world.
At the same time, the process of preparing for marriage and marriage itself can bring to the surface the effects of trauma from one’s family, previous relationships, and life in general. These wounds can wreak havoc on marriages and, therefore, need to be addressed for marriages to flourish.
Because of this, it is essential for those working in ministry with engaged or married couples to apply trauma-informed principles. This article provides a brief refresher on trauma-informed ministry principles and offers special considerations for creating a trauma-informed marriage ministry.
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A Quick Refresher on the Principles of Trauma-Informed Ministry
As a reminder, there are three principles for being trauma-informed in your ministry.
The first principle is knowledge. You need to learn more about how prevalent trauma is, its impacts, healing resources, and retraumatization (which is when something in a person’s environment reminds them of their experience and triggers a trauma reaction).
Secondly, it’s vital to foster an environment that is the antithesis of trauma. By promoting safety, control, positive relationships, and regulation, you can create a space conducive to healing and growth.
Finally, aim to build resilience by fostering positive relationships, teaching healthy coping mechanisms (such as prayer), and recognizing and developing the strengths of those you work with.
To learn more about the principles of trauma-informed ministry, check out this article.
Essential Knowledge For Your Trauma-Informed Marriage Ministry
When working with couples preparing for marriage or who are currently married, it is essential to remember that various types of trauma can impact marriage.
One type of trauma to be aware of is adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), which are specific traumatic experiences that occur before the age of 18. Many of these experiences occur in family relationships, or are more likely to do so, and thus preparing for or entering into marriage can bring up these traumas and their effects.
Unfortunately, ACEs are quite prevalent, with 63.9% of US adults reporting they experienced at least one ACE. You can learn more about ACEs here.
Additionally, sexual trauma can also significantly impact engaged and married couples. It is also unfortunately quite prevalent, with 81% of US women and 43% of US men experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime (source).
Finally, if working with couples who have been previously married or in serious relationships, it is also essential to consider that these relationships could have also caused trauma, such as through the death of a spouse or a difficult breakup. Additionally, many marriages end in divorce, with PEW Research reporting that one-third of Americans who have ever been married had a first marriage end in divorce (source).
Domestic violence is another potential form of trauma experienced in previous relationships, and unfortunately, it may also be happening in a current relationship. Over 1 in 3 women (35.6%) and 1 in 4 men (28.5%) in the US have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime (source).
Many pre-marriage assessments rightly ask about these things to encourage couples to discuss them, as they can cause issues in relationships. Research has suggested that trauma exposure increases the likelihood of divorce, poorer relationship quality, and difficulty connecting with others. You can learn more about the effects of trauma here.
For your trauma-informed marriage ministry, it is crucial to be aware that the majority of the people you work with will have experienced some form of trauma that can potentially negatively impact their relationship with their spouse or future spouse, and may be the root of any relationship problems that you discover in the course of your ministry.
It is essential always to respect the autonomy of the couples you work with and never force disclosure of trauma. Acknowledge the reality of trauma and its impacts, and encourage couples to speak with each other about past traumas and seek professional help if needed.
Helpful Healing Resources for Married Couples
If someone discloses past trauma to you and requests resources, it can be helpful to have a list ready. You can find a complete list on this page. Below are a few resources that may be specifically helpful for your trauma-informed marriage ministry:
- CatholicPsych and Catholic Therapists are great websites for connecting people with both individual and couples therapists. Additionally, getting to know Catholic therapists in your area can be helpful, as you can personally vouch for them when referring people to them.
- Be Restored by Dr. Bob Schuchts is an excellent book for addressing sexual wounds.
- KNOWN is a Catholic ministry serving children of divorce.
- Finally, the John Paul II Healing Center provides healing retreats for engaged and married couples.
Connect Couples with Positive Relationships
Positive relationships with others facilitate the healing process and build people’s resilience, an ability that enables them to heal.
Marriage ministry is an excellent opportunity to connect engaged and married couples with other couples who can offer counsel and companionship on the journey of life. If you are not already doing so, I encourage you to use the time you have with couples to connect them with other Catholic couples in the community. Additionally, ensure that you train any couples you involve in your ministry in trauma-informed principles.
Affirm Strengths to Build Resilience
As we help couples prepare for marriage or strive to live it out better, it can be tempting to focus on the problems in their relationship.
While it’s essential to address relationship challenges, it’s equally crucial to acknowledge and highlight the strengths of both individuals and the couple as a whole. This practice not only affirms their resilience but also fosters it.
Conclusion: The Positive Impact of Trauma-Informed Marriage Ministry
Ministry with engaged and married couples is a beautiful ministry. Still, marriage and preparation for marriage can also unearth old, traumatic wounds and reveal how they have impacted survivors.
By establishing a trauma-informed marriage ministry, your ministry can become a beacon of hope and a haven of healing for trauma survivors, transforming their marriages and their lives.