The Apostles

We do not know a ton about the lives of the Apostles before they encountered Jesus.

Some were fishermen (Matthew 4:18), some were tax collectors (Matthew 9:9), and some were members of revolutionary groups (Matthew 10:4). We know that Peter was married because Jesus healed his mother-in-law, and some of the Apostles were brothers.

The only other thing we know about the Apostles before they met Jesus is that they all lived under the Roman occupation of Israel, which was known for its violence and leaving people in fear. 

When they encountered Jesus, these men committed their lives to Him, leaving behind their occupations (Matthew 4:20) and their families (Matthew 4:21). These men loved Jesus. 

Jesus repeatedly warned them that His Passion and death were coming, which caused them much distress. Peter even pulled Jesus aside after one of his predictions to try to talk Him out of it (Matthew 16:21-23). Despite Jesus’ warnings, the Apostles believed they would remain committed to Jesus no matter what (Matthew 26:33-35). 

Jesus’ predictions came to pass on the evening of Holy Thursday after the Apostles received the first Eucharist. Judas, one of these twelve men, betrayed Jesus. Was it out of fear? Greed? We don’t know. Jesus wanted His Apostles to pray with Him as He prayed for strength, but they couldn’t even stay awake to be with Him (Matthew 26:36-56). 

When Jesus was betrayed and arrested, the Apostles fled (Matthew 26:56). Despite telling Jesus he would not, Peter denied Jesus three times (Matthew 26:69-75). John was the only Apostles to stay with Jesus until the end (John 19:25-26). 

Can you imagine how these twelve men felt? They gave up everything for Jesus and then watched Him be brutally tortured, murdered, and rejected. They feared they were next. When Jesus needed His friends most, all but one abandoned Him. I imagine they were full of shame for how they acted. We also know that they hid away in fear (John 20:23).

After His resurrection, the Apostles reencountered Jesus. I imagine they worried Jesus would be angry at them for their actions. But instead, He offered forgiveness and peace. He remained with them for forty days, teaching and being with them before His Ascension.

After the Ascension, the fear returned. The Apostles hid away again, awaiting the promised Holy Spirit in community and prayer  (Acts 1:1-4, 13-14). 

The transformation was remarkable. These men who had been hiding out of fear of ending up crucified like Jesus now began to share his message openly. They withstood persecution, added thousands of members to the Church, and all but one were martyred for their faith. 

The Apostles were traumatized by the crucifixion. But through the time spent with Jesus after His resurrection and those nine days of prayer and community before Pentecost, their broken, weak hearts opened up just enough to allow the Holy Spirit to come in and transform their fear into courage and impactful evangelization. 

The Apostles taught us the important ingredients for allowing the Lord to transform our traumatic wounds: time with the Lord in prayer and time with a supportive community. Just as these two things opened the hearts of the Apostles to the transformative, healing power of the Holy Spirit, they can do so for us. 

To learn more about other saints who have faced trauma, please visit the Stories of Hope page.