Psychological research has proven two things time and time again: We heal in relationships, and relationships protect us from the negative impacts of trauma. In your ministry, you have the opportunity to provide these healing relationships.
This article will discuss the research on the healing and protective power of relationships and how to be a safe person for those in your ministry, drawing on tips from a famous psychologist.
Research on the Healing and Protective Power of Relationships
Protective factors are individual characteristics and environmental, family, and community factors that help prevent the negative impacts of trauma (1). When these factors are present in a person who has faced trauma, they have significantly lower odds of facing the many different adverse impacts of trauma.
Protective factors range from things like intelligence and healthy emotion regulation skills to living in a safe neighborhood. Consistently, though, researchers have found that the strongest protective factors involve good relationships with others.
Judith Herman, a famous trauma researcher, explains why this is the case. One of the main aspects of trauma is a feeling of disconnection from others. To recover, one must recreate one’s connections with others. So, if a person has strong, supportive relationships with others, this essential recovery work can happen, allowing a person to heal and bounce back (2).
So, what are these relational protective factors?
Researchers have found the following relational factors to protect against the negative impacts of childhood trauma (3):
- Having a supportive family where one feels able to talk about their feelings
- Having a sense of belonging at school
- Having a supportive group of friends
- Having good neighbors who look out for you
- Having a caregiver who makes you feel safe
- Having two or more safe and supportive non-parent adults in your life (this factor is one of the best things for a child who has faced childhood trauma)
- Having a supportive, caring teacher
In other stages of life, the following factors can help protect against trauma’s negative impacts:
- Having people you can count on, who show interest in and concern for you, and who can provide you with practical help when it’s needed (4)
- Having good friends (2)
- Having a supportive spouse (2)
So, no matter the stage of life or the environment of the relationship, relationships help people find healing and resilience after trauma.
In our ministries, we are in a position to provide these healing relationships. If we work with youth, we can be one of their safe, supportive non-parent adults. We can help people in our ministry form a community. We can provide social support.
We’ve established the importance of community. Now, we’ll move into the necessary characteristics we must have to provide these safe, healing relationships for others. Carl Rogers, a renowned psychologist, offers insights into the traits we need to develop.
About Carl Rogers
If you studied psychology, especially anything around therapy, you might be familiar with Carl Rogers.
Carl Rogers was a famous psychologist best known for developing client-centered therapy.
At the time of his training and initial practice, the school of psychoanalysis was the most dominant form of therapy. Psychoanalysis originated with Sigmund Freud. Psychoanalysis is where we get the idea of therapy as lying on a couch, talking to a therapist who barely interacts with you.
Rogers believed that this type of therapy wasn’t effective enough in helping people achieve the desired change, so he started developing an approach to therapy based on the relationship between the client and the therapist. This idea made therapy what it is today, and even almost 40 years after his death, his ideas are still taught to aspiring therapists.
Another thing that Rogers started was the scientific study of psychotherapy and its effectiveness. Before Rogers, the study of therapy efficacy was based on individual client stories rather than objective measures, making it hard to determine which treatments were most effective for large numbers of people. Rogers helped to change this.
Through this study and the development of client-centered therapy, Rogers found that when a therapist had three specific characteristics, these characteristics helped the client transform for the better.
The Three Conditions
Rogers believed that when a person had a particular type of supportive relationship, this relationship would help them discover their natural tendency to grow and become more fully themselves.
He believed that if one person in the relationship, whether it be a teacher, leader, family member, friend, or therapist, had the following three characteristics, the other person in the relationship (the client, student, etc.) would feel safe enough to let down their defenses and do the work to grow and flourish.
These characteristics are:
- Congruence or genuineness: Our inner and outer states match, and we are authentic for others. We are not putting on a facade. When we are genuine, people begin to feel safe and to be authentic.
- Unconditional positive regard: This is Carl Rogers’ term for unconditional love and acceptance. It involves caring for people and wanting their good, regardless of their present state, without judging them, accepting them as they are, and seeing within them their capacity to grow. This is similar to how God sees us. He loves us where we are and allows us to be in relationship with Him regardless of how messy we are, while at the same time wanting us to grow into who He made us to be.
- Empathy: When we are empathetic, we strive to see things from the other’s point of view and show them compassion. Empathy is a big part of being trauma-informed: We strive to understand the experiences that have shaped a person’s current situation and show them compassion.
By striving for congruence, unconditional positive regard, and empathy in our relationships with others, we help those we encounter feel safe, loved, and understood, which is the very opposite of what trauma does. These types of relationships help people find healing, see God reflected in us, and work towards the person God calls them to be.
How to Become a Safe Person: An Exercise
We are all broken and sinners, and no one will perfectly have these three characteristics 100% of the time. Through the following exercise, you can evaluate how you are doing in living out these three characteristics and gradually make strides toward growth.
Step 1: Think back through the most recent experiences in your ministry. Consider what moments you did a great job of living out each of these three characteristics, and moments in situations in which you may have fallen short.
Step 2: Based on the moments in which you have fallen short, make a small resolution to grow the next time you engage with those you minister to. This resolution might involve striving to see the perspective of a particular person you struggle with, asking God for help to love someone you struggle to love, listening better in a specific situation, or being more authentic in a specific situation.
Step 3: Evaluate how well you kept your resolution, and reevaluate. Continue repeating these steps, and over time, you will see real improvement.
Conclusion: How to Become a Safe Person for Those in Your Ministry
Research on protective factors shows that we don’t have to be a therapist to help people find healing and resilience after trauma. Through our ministries, we can provide safe, healing, and protective relationships that can serve as a foundation for healing. Carl Rogers’ work helps us to continue to improve in our ability to provide safe, healing, and protective relationships.